I am loved

I love birthdays. Apart from Christmas, it's the one other occasion I love so much. It's just that I find so much happiness in believing that for one day, people celebrate YOUR existence. It's like people become grateful that you came into this world. (haha, well how conceited is that?)

Really though, if you're feeling depressed and lonely, all your woes will disappear come birthday time. Because your family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues and everyone else who remembered your birthday will acknowledge it and greet you. It's like for one day, your invisibility cloak is removed and people start to notice you.

My birthday this year has been full of drama. A lot of my plans didn't push through and I found myself getting really sad about it. It's just that I feel like I always have to exert so much effort for my birthday. I have to plan everything myself. I have to buy my own cake, buy my own candles, buy a dress, plan my party, etc, etc. It's all me. The problem is, everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

I pressured myself too much for my birthday, got into a lot of arguments, shed buckets full of tears and was ready to raise the white flag. I was so tired. It's tough when you have to do all of it alone. When my mom was still alive, I hardly had to lift a finger. It was all her. She would buy my cake, sing me a song come midnight, plan our activities for the day itself and she even buys me a dress for my birthday. It's also one of the reasons I enjoyed my birthdays so much in the past because mama always made everything so special.

I have to accept though that things are different now. I must learn to stand up on my own and find a way to make things work. Of course it won't be as perfect; of course, I must exert more effort now; but it doesn't mean things will not work out well in the end.

If there is anything that my birthday this year has taught me, it is that at the end of the day, I am very much loved. Yes, things may not work out as perfectly as I want it, and some people will always get on my nerves but it's no reason to be depressed. I am loved. 

From here on forward, I vow never to sulk again come my birthday time. I don't need to plan anything, all things will fall into place in the right time. God always knows when to send the right people and the right events to make me happy :)

Thank you everyone for making my birthday special. You guys are amazing! Thank you for bearing with my craziness and tolerant of my tantrums. I understand it now--y'know, that thing... about being grateful. We must all learn to be grateful of everything and everyone in our lives. God put them there for a reason and we may not understand the why's as of this moment but soon we will and in the end, we'll be thankful. For everything. And for everyone.

When things go haywire,

Remember that you are. 

And will always be 

LOVED.

Red dress - Oxygen
Red, blue & white wedges - Tiva by FILA
Pink ballerina flats - Solemate