Friday, February 24, 2012

Misguided ghost

Change is the only permanent thing in the world. We always say we're prepared for change but when change is introduced instantly, and all at once, it can get very overwhelming.

I am going away for a while
But I'll be back don't try and follow me
Cause I'll return as soon as possible

Everyday since mama died has been a test. I take things one day at a time because there are days I cry every so often and then there are days I'm okay. It's a rollercoaster kind of feeling and and I realize pain from death is so much deeper than any other kind of pain. You would have to have lost someone so dear to understand the feeling.
Sometimes I question why I have to experience all these at such a young age. And why it always happens to only children. I'm grateful for the support of others but at the end of the day, the realization that you are, technically alone, keeps me from getting a good night's sleep.

It's difficult to get back on track and as Paramore's song describes it, I feel like a misguided ghost.
I know this is the time I must learn independence. I fully understand that. And maybe it's just too soon and the responsibility and challenges are just so overwhelming but I know one day, I'll look back and pat myself on the back for handling all these with strength and grace.
I'm on semi-break from reality right now. I just need some time to figure things out and draft a new life plan for myself. I know, in some way, I am hurting other people with my decisions and how I just want to be aloof and stay in a "lost state". I am sorry. I really am just confused and overwhelmed and hurting.

Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Denim vest - Next jeans
White top - random from Shopwise
High waisted shorts - Taylor & Co.
Black rubber sandals - Skechers


  1. i know how you feel ninin. everyday without that someone dear in your life can be a struggle. i wish you all the best in this new life plan of yours. and i pray for your healing.

    1. Thank you so much Liz. Your words are so comforting. I sincerely thank you


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